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So anyway I’m sitting in this studio looking at an ensemble of bodies doing improvisational theatre..
And part of me thinks what the hell is this hippie bullshit

if anyone’s ever been to a theatre class you know how painful it can be
There’s always one person flailing their arms, Another looking perfectly still like a fucking Zombie

But then I dunno then, there was a moment when I began to recognise the beauty in happenstance

When the horizontality of this group framework and the simple act of framing began organically revealing a series of fleeting compositional forms

and I realised of course, the viewpoints are everywhere. Everywhere there are alignments, openings, offerances. You can be sitting on a park bench, walking down the street, all it takes is for the passing of time, the occurrence of events to intersect with a frame to create perfection.

And now I’m thinking to the taste I have for verticality, for right and wrong for pain and punishment… and I’m kind of like shit… Is that a fascist tendency?



                                                                                    She looks into the camera




                                                                                                      Why would you want to go there? To such scary places

I thought it was liberating

                                           To disidentify

To see it all as source material










She’s laying down on a blue tarp with a camera overhead

how can I help you?


I injured my neck training a few months ago, and it just hasn’t gone away..



“I’m gonna get you to slide up on the table”



Camera cuts to his hands




One of the main goals for treatment is to help a person achieve a state of neutrality by resolving the tensions and imprints on their physical being that distract a person from being their “True self”.




When people have imprints on their being and in their physical tissues it prevents them from being all of who they are. When God creates the an individual’s soul that person has a potential. That potential “nature” is then nurtured. If the latter impedes the former then you have a state of dis-ease or disease.

When we are in a dis-eased state we become resistant to absolute truths, ie God.








He encouraged me to finish this work I was doing about my grandparents


but I’ve been doing the work.

I’ve been doing the work for both of us, and no one can see












My paternal grandmother exists as an image.

The image of her - in that singular pose - legs crossed to one side in a pencil skirt. 

she was a clean freak

5 children, a husband, her portrait on the wall and 70 square metres of impeccable sightliness. 

Every bed made, every floor swept, every book dusted with militant diligence.

Life continued and every surface seemed to become increasingly difficult to maintain.



And I’m tired

I don’t know how

I don’t know how to reach far enough,

how to get it all across





and I am pregnant with my grandmother

I am pregnant with my grandmother

and I can’t bear to hold her any longer





now we’re gonna do a technique that we use on women to induce labour



Do I need to have an actual baby to prove to you that I am a creator?






Life continued and every surface became increasingly difficult to maintain.

Every bed made, every floor swept, every book dusted with militant diligence.






You want to know what my biggest failure has been..

I WASTED A FUCKING YEAR OF MY LIFE WRITING APPLICATIONS

and project proposals and fucking artist statements

ASKING FOR PERMISSION

for what?

TO MAKE ART?

Or to be part of a fucking game?

WHO WANTS AN ARTIST STATEMENT?



I’M GIVING THEM AWAY FOR FUCKING FREE

YOU GET AN ARTIST STATEMENT AND YOU GET AND ARTIST STATEMENT

WE ALLLLLL GET AN ARTIST STATEMENT




Every time, every time I wanted to be an artist I wrote to you

I wrote to the institution

I asked for money

I asked for permission

I wrote artist statements

I asked you to let me in

Just be urself..

Show them

DADDY LET ME INNN




SHE BANGS ON THE DOOR

She’s picking up pieces of rubble putting them in her clothes 

OCD & psilocybin an excess of order in the brain





And where did that get me

Tripping out on shrooms in my parents apartment listening to 

Leonard Cohen

Is this what you wanted to live in house that was haunted

BY THE GHOSTS OF YOU AN MEEEEE

OF YOU AND MEEEEEE



I let all the pieces go

I let all the pieces go

Here are my bits

Here are my fragments



Is this what I’ve been resisting?
Are you the father I never had?




Is sincerity enough? Because i’m not trying to be an artist
I’m not trying to be an artist, I’m trying to be human
I’m trying
I’m trying
to be human

Truthfully
I’m just trying to be human
I’m trying to be human
I’m trying
    to be u man
    to be u man
I’m trying to be u man
I’m JUST TRYING TO BE YOU MAN
I’M TRYING TO BE YOU MAN




I have no technique
I have no skill
but I am worthy
of every every ounce of you that ripples through me



And I’m feverish again now
Lights turn off it goes to red
I’m feverish again now
but I’ve been here before
I was infected in the past
tasted the forbidden bat poison
and that’s when everything changed
I found love on a desert island
and relied on underground communication tunnels

I grew gills on my sides
and submerged I learned to breathe
and everything changed and I couldn’t make art anymore
or the nature of the work became other



That was the year I stopped making art


And the more I healed,
the more they questioned my sanity
The more they wanted me locked up, put away
and the normal was unsafe
and I found solace in the unfamiliar
and soon everyone will be infected,


And I can’t do this alone



and we all will need help
and the fear will be felt
an we will miss our former selves
and some will want to turn back



and there will be conflict



It’s funny all this talk now about fighting.. about fighting the virus...
And people would ask me, when I started boxing
What are you training for? what are you fighting for?


I think this might be it




How do we cultivate a body that is seeing something?

How do we work from an image that doesn’t exist yet?

How do you imagine that?




to do the work, the painful mutant work..









You know what the difference is between me and Luka Magnotta?
You know who Luka Magnotta is?
Google that shit.


The difference between me and Luka Magnotta is that I don’t think being a mirror is enough.





Because we need to build
We need to fill it with awareness
We need to stalk ourselves
Be aware of every painful step
Cause we need this reality,
the reality of the bad dream
more than the dream in which we’ve been living





and they will need our help,


The keepers of stasis
they are not gonna go easy
Neither them nor ourselves
Those pesky parts of us that refuse to go away
Because the same way we must care for the vulnerable
We must care for the enemy





Mike Tyson used to say
I’d rather destroy em quick, than extend their suffering



Annihilation as compassion







Google: “how does a computer glitch happen?”

“how does a mutation occur?”




Nothing.. no existing search results.. we need to find the answers elsewhere..




She looks down there is another computer screen on the floor (she’s wearing cleaning gloves)
(It’s looking up between her legs)



She mixed ammoniac and bleach for those hard to reach areas.

The bathtub became a hard to reach area.



What do we do once we’ve destroyed the image?



Bent over, head deep. She lost sight


Where do we go? How do we see?





The year I stopped making art was the year
I began recovering myself
and so the nature of the work became other




As I was making these films
These films about a pilgrimage I took with my father
I realised I didn’t know who I was making them for
If I am my own audience
then I am making this work for a certain right side of my being





but I can’t bear to hold you any longer
I can’t hold you any longer
and I can’t do the work for you
and we’re not going back




they fled the filth, the density
the lowered immune systems of the metropolis.

Before getting into the nitty gritty of the business call he said
We are very lucky to be safe, and, well, honestly to be in quite desirable circumstances

So why don’t we work to keep it that way…

and that
is when the nature of the work became other.




though this is the world that we’re in….
we will circle back — we will circle back towards a renegotiation of Desire,
and all I hope for is a rupture






If you don’t know where you went wrong please ask for help, some have been there before. If you don’t know where to start please ask the weak and ask the sick. Look toward the outposts

as the bearers of our new outer limits.